The Power of Three Words, Eight Letters

A major stereotype about Asian-American families is that eastern immigrant parents struggle to express emotions to their children, particularly when it comes to saying "I love you." Perhaps it's a conservative culture thing.
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After losing my childhood best friend to suicide this past winter, I was forced to confront the harsh reality that young Asian-Americans need to understand that they are loved and that they should have someone they feel like they can openly speak to. We at DeclarASIAN would like to take the initiative to encourage this change.

​Therefore, for Valentine's Day 2019, DeclarASIAN asked Asian-American youth (and their parents!) to say "I Love You" to each other and describe their experience. Some consider this to be pretty intimate, so we have kept all names anonymous. Enjoy some of our favorite submissions below!
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-Claire Cao, Co-founder

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"As proud as I am to be Asian, it's really a shame that so many kids and their parents feel like they can't openly express their emotions to each other. That's one aspect of our culture I think needs to change. Telling my parents and siblings I loved them was a really empowering experience and I felt like we achieved a new level of closeness we never had before. I wish we had it earlier. Just saying this makes me emotional... Thanks for the great idea. This project is so important."

"I don't know how many kids can say that their parents literally gave up everything for them. My parents left Thailand at age 22 with almost nothing in their pockets. When they arrived to America they spoke no English and had to learn the language from the ground up. They underwent discrimination, financial troubles, and homesickness just to provide me with a better life. They are now renowned professionals, and I am a successful student living in America. I owe my success and happiness to them. I therefore had no trouble telling them how much I loved them, because I know how much they love me back."

"My parents express their love not through words, but by making me food. 'Have you eaten yet?' implies 'I care about you.' Don't get me wrong, it's endearing, but hearing my parents say 'I love you' was really nice. I think we'll be saying it more often now in our household. Thank you."

"Dear Mom and Dad, You mean everything to me. Thanks for putting a roof over my head and being a shoulder to cry on. I am forever thankful to have you in my life and wish I said it more, but I've always felt kind of awkward about it. I feel horrible that it has to be this way. I love you both so much, more than you'll ever know. I hope you can return the favor and say the same to me. I feel like open communication would really strengthen our ties as a family."

"When I told my son 'I love you,' he seemed very surprised. It made me sad because I realized that I do not say these things enough to him. I will let him know more often that he is such a hard worker who makes our family so very proud. We are amazed by how he gets good grades, plays so many sports, and still makes time for his parents. I hope he knows that we do not take these for granted. We will be sure to show it more. Thank you for this project."

"My parents were really confused for a second! I didn't expect saying 'I love you' to feel so weird because we really don't say it in our household. They just sort of nodded, laughed, and said 'okay.' My mom patted me on the back. For me, that's a win. We're making progress people!"

"I can't emphasize how much I needed this. I've been in a bad place lately so hearing 'I love you' from my parents for the first time in a while meant a lot. I'll be sure to say it back more often. Thanks for this cool idea."

"Usually an Asian parent's reaction to the words 'I love you' might be 'Are you pregnant?' My parents almost looked a little suspicious when I said it! Regardless, they seemed kind of touched when they realized I was being sincere. They said they were proud of me. Really warming feeling."

"When I told my mom I loved her she froze for a second because we never really have these conversations. Then she said she loved me too. usually I come home from school and I go straight to work. We never take time to show our appreciation for each other, but this made me realize that we really should. It would be nice to support each other more and be able to tell her what I'm feeling."

"I do not say 'I love you' to my kids very much because my parents never did, either. That is my biggest regret with my kids. I love them very much and I wish they knew it more. Asian parents do not say this enough because it is not a part of our culture in China. I hope my kids can grow up and say it to their kids more than I did. I will try to be more loving to my kids before they go away to college. I will miss them and should appreciate them more."

"I agree that Asian parents do not say they love their children enough. I do not say it very much because it does not cross my mind. I assume my kids understand that we love them. I should not assume anymore. Saying 'I love you' takes so little effort but it makes a big difference."

"...One of the steps on Maslow's hierarchy of human needs is love and esteem. The fact that so many Asian families are lacking in this area is a problem that needs more attention. Telling my mom and dad I loved them made me realize how much love is missing in our lives. It definitely made me feel a lot better though."

"Not gonna lie, I wasn't expecting this to be so hard for me. I love my parents more than anything and it bothers me that we don't show it a ton. Thanks for bringing attention to this much-needed cause."

"Unlike some Asian parents, I say I love you to my daughter all the time. She is the most important person in my world and I think not letting her be aware of that is one of the biggest mistakes a parent can make. Therefore it was no problem for me to tell her I love her. I wish the same for other families, too."

"Sometimes I feel like my parents only love me conditionally, like when I get good grades. Hearing them say they loved me out of the blue, for no apparent achievement or anything, just that they loved me, was really important to me."

"I think Asian parents do not show their emotions often because it makes them feel vulnerable. It's not something they're used to back home. That's why it was so special to me when my mom and dad did. It shows their effort to reach out to me."

"My parents' first reaction was 'Why are you saying this?' LOL. I guess I don't tell them enough or they wouldn't be so confused. I'll take it as a hint that I should probably be more open with them."

"My dad laughed and said he loved me too! Super refreshing to hear!!!"

"I'm really glad my parents and i got to say we loved each other because now I feel like I can tell them more and open up. I can tell them about my worries, what's stressing me out, etc. It's like we just broke a barrier in our relationship."

"My daughter looked so happy when I told her. It made my heart smile."

"He said 'Why are you saying that Mom?' And I said it was because I love him very much and am so proud of the young man he has become."

"My dad's reaction was kind of nonchalant and he told me to go study. But later he brought up a bowl of fruit for me and said he was proud of my hard work, which in my eyes is equivalent to 'I love you.'"

"My kids know I love them, so they just said 'We know, Mom.' I felt a lot of relief that they knew how much they mean to me. I felt like I was doing something right as a parent."

"This project made me realize that even our closest relationships will not last forever. Cherish who and what you have right now. To my mom and dad, I love you so much and am sorry I didn't say it more until now."